It does no good to look back.
I guess that must be the thought for the evening, for that's what came out after several minutes of pondering over a blank blog template. One thing that this technology can't do is to write the damn entry for you -- which, contrary to what some automatons out there believe, would not be a good thing.
Such a statement might seem funny coming from someone who has devoted as much time as I have to studying history; but I have reached the point -- at least in a personal sense -- that I am tired of the rumination that has clogged my thought processes off & on for decades, tired of reliving all the failures & screw-ups, ready to treat each day as a new chance to start over.
And why not? One mistake that I have made consistently for many years now (I don't know quite when it began) is to take life way too damn seriously, when the truth is that life is a mysterious exercise that may or may not have any significance beyond one's own subjective experience, and that can end at any moment. So why do we assign so much urgency to it? Why do we increase our risk and decrease our enjoyment obessing over things that ultimately may mean nothing & have no signifcance? And why do we, as a consequence of this, set ourselves up for failure by not focusing on the issues, events, & decisions that, given our full and proper attention, could make our lives better, more secure, & more meaningful?
I have resolved to make a conscious effort not to do this, which is going to take a great deal of behavior modification on my part. It is not natural for me not to obsess over the negative, ruminate over past mistakes, & dread what the future holds. Would I be justified in continuing down that path? Yes. Does it help my situation? No.
I ran a trail run yesterday -- against my better judgment, as I have a marathon in four weeks & cannot afford an injury. Yet I could not pass on this one, as it was part of the track club's points series (I placed third in my age group, & thus received a much-needed 30 points) & just as improtantly, it was fun. And there were pancakes at the finish. What better reason to run a race? I didn't do as well as I normally do, as I misjudged my pace & finished about 3 minutes off my PR, but I was nevertheless amazed at how good I felt on the course, & took this as another indicator of how much fitter I am now compared to this time last year. Plus, I had enough left over today to get in 16.5 EZ miles this morning. The summer base training and all those long tempos paid off, and my running form has improved substantially, resulting in less wasted effort. Four weeks away from my fourth marathon, I feel good, & ready.
Posted by MHB
at 11:10 PM EST
Updated: Friday, 16 November 2007 10:18 PM EST