Highway to Hell, Part II:
As I indicated in the first part of this post, my wife and I did not have great expectations prior to attending our first Greenville Drive game; but we were not ready for what we experienced that evening. For years there has been a running debate about the "cool factor" of downtown Greenville, and this has been a favorite PR vehicle for the downtown business elite, who even compiled a committee of twentysomethings with various metallic objects protruding from their skins to make suggestions for how the powers that be can price them out of the market while simultaneously creating and maintaining a laid-back, southern-boho facade.
Suffice to way that no semblance of downtown cool, genuine or phony, can be found it West End Field. The only resemblace to downtown, other than the half-finished condo buildings lining the outfield fence, is the stadium's alcohol policy, which requires one to show one's ID at a central location and be fitted with a paper wristband, which is how drinking at street festivals has been regulated for years now. I have grown to like that policy, as it only requires one to show one's ID once. Yet that is where the similarity, and my tolerance, ended.
I received the first sign that something was not right when we took our seats behind the plate, surveyed the field, and realized that its dimensions were not posted on the outfield fence. Has anyone ever been in a minor-league ballpark where the dimensions were not posted on the fence? I haven't. Most high-school fields have the distance from home plate posted down the foul lines and in centerfield. What gives? Did they just not care about that little detail? Did they assume that the fans wouldn't notice or care? Are they hiding something? The answer to one or more of those questions has to be yes.
A second, and more glaring problem, became evident around the middle of the second inning, when the seats in our section began to fill with chronically-late Greenvillians. I had noticed when we took our seats that our usher had not checked our tickets when we started down the aisle, but had merely returned our eye contact and said "enjoy the game." Now, I can excuse the gentleman for not getting up to greet us, for, you see, he was in a wheelchair, and while I am a strong advocate of ADA and of hiring the disabled, it occurs to me that policing an entire section of seats to which the only access is a narrow row of steep concrete steps is not a good job to give to a man in a wheelchair. There were many, many other jobs in the stadium that this man, whom I'm sure is quite capable, could have done -- checking my ID and giving me a wristband, for example.
Nevertheless, I don't think that it would have made a difference had an ambulatory person been assigned to the section; for there seemed to be no oversight of seating whatsoever anywhere in the ballpark. Now, in thirty-plus years of attending games at various levels, I have come to accept that ballparks are full of fans, and fans sometimes are rowdy, and although it grates at my nerves sometimes, they paid for their tickets just like me, and anyway, they aren't hurting anyone. But there's a difference between normal fan behavior and asshole behavior, and the non-presence of the ushers was a tacit invitation for those inclined to behave like assholes to do what they do best. And while I was not offended by the loud profanity going on behind me, it is possible that the families in front of me, many of whom had small children, might have been.
Yet the larger problem with the lack of seating supervision was the rampant seat-stealing that went on around me during the course of the game. Around the third inning, a family three rows down from me, a couple with a small child and an infant, left their seats for a few minutes only to return to find a group of frat boys and their girlfriends occupying them. They chose not to press the issue, instead sitting a couple of rows forward and politely asking the chuckling young men to hand their belongings down to them. Why they did not attempt to get a usher, I did not know. They would not have had to at the old ballpark.
But back to what was happening on the field: beyond the centerfield fence was a large video screen similar to the electronic scoreboards found in all major-league and most minor-league parks; yet this was no scoreboard. It displayed no information on the game, no profiles of pitchers or hitters. It did, however, show commericals and a feed from an in-house minicam showing fans in their seats and close-range shots of the evenings, uh, entertainment, which I will discuss later. The only game information it displayed was the purported speed of the pitches, which were curiously fast. Single-A pitchers don't typically throw in the upper '90s, yet the screen was frequently displaying readings of 98, 99 MPH, and rarely clocked even a breaking ball below 90. After an inning or so of this, my wife walked over to one of the scouts sitting across the aisle with radar guns and asked him how far off it was.
"They're both getting it up there pretty good," he replied, "but they're not that fast -- around low-to-mid '90s."
The rationale for not using the video screen for a scoreboard was presumably to keep fans' attention on the manual scoreboard in the "green monster" replica of a left-field fence (which one of the women behind me called the "green giant")-- which would have been fine, had the person operating the scoreboard bothered to keep it updated. As it were, one had to devote one's entire attention to the game to know the number of outs, the ball-strike count -- you know, those things that scoreboards normally keep track of so you don't have to.
Then there was the "entertainment," which put the cap on this cheap sideshow that we had foolishly mistaken for a baseball game. I also know from experience that baseball and cheesy entertainment go together: after all, there are lots of kids there, and they have to go for the lowest common denominator. Yet there was no commonality in the asinine fare offered that evening and, I'm presuming, every evening. Lulls between innings at the old ballpark were filled with the family-fun time typical of minor-league ballpark: promotional games and giveaways, t-shirt cannons, etc.. What we got instead at West End Field was a clowning dwarf, whose schtick consisted mostly of ridiculously-oversized props, exaggerated dancing, and on one occasion, pretending to call the pitcher's warmup tosses like an umpire while wearing a Darth Vader helmet. By this point, I had passed beyond annoyed into the realm of embarrassed: embarrassed for my city, embarrassed for my country, and embarrassed that I had willingly, albeit not knowingly, purchased a ticket to this foul spectacle. Apparently, we were not alone in our belief that this crap was not funny, for few people around us were laughing (not even the loud morons behind us), and some of them even looked disturbed by it. It was typical of the level of humor that pervaded the evening (playing the sound of glass breaking over the PA everytime a ball is fouled out of the park is not funny the first time, much less the 36th) with the added dimension of being quite offensive -- and as anyone who knows me can tell you, I am not easily offended.
We left after the sixth inning, and although I no longer say never about very much, I can say that I have no plans ever to return to West End Field, even if the Rome Braves are in town. The whole thing smacked of arrogance, of cavalier treatment, of greed.
I can see them now, sitting in their meetings, dinners, receptions, clubhouses. I can hear them planning how to get the lintheads and rednecks through the turnstiles: don't bother with painting the dimensions on the fence: we had to make it too short, and most of them can't count that high anyway; jack up the radar gun, so they think they're seeing 100-MPH fastballs out of these kids; my sister's no-account son-in-law needs a job, maybe he can work the scoreboard; don't worry about the seating policy, they like to steal seats from each other, they're a bunch of animals, anyway; give 'em a dancing midget, they like stuff like that.
That's really cool, Greenville, really hip. Face it; you got a pig in a poke. An expensive pig, an expensive poke.
Enjoy the game.
Posted by MHB
at 9:18 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, 21 May 2006 3:04 PM EDT