This weekend was one of mild aggavation and too little rest; but it still beats the hell out of going to work. First my garage door opener began behaving bizarrely, moving the door in the right direction for about a second at a time before reversing itself and going back about halfway to where it started. At that point I could have called a repairman; but it is my habit not to spend that kind of money on a repair job unless I am sure that I cannot do it myself, and often the only way to know is to try. At least I should be able to triage the thing and determine whether I am going to need professional help. So I took the housing off the unit, and it doesn't look good. The drive shaft is slipping, so much so that it broke the plastic inner housing that holds the main gear in place. I'm not sure that I can fix the damn thing, but I can unplug it, and as long as I can work on it without fear of getting electrocuted or crushing my fingers in a moving part, I will at least try to fix it myself. It's called self-sufficiency, and many among us have forgotten it or have been conditioned not to risk it for fear of screwing things up worse than they're already screwed. I have found that on balance, I save more money with DIY than I cost myself in during the rare moment of destructive incompetence.

Unfortunately, so far my DIY ethic has not worked on the drain that connects my two bathroom sinks, and which at present is probably the worst-clogged drain that I have ever seen. I've got some chemical drain cleaner in there right now - a last resort, as I have already tried several rounds of snaking and the natural baking soda-vinegar mixture. Yes, snaking was unsuccessful. I've never seen a drain that a snake would not unclog, and thus I fear that it may have been taking a wrong turn in there somewhere.

I am also DIY with my training, which has gone quite well of late. Going into my last week of summer base, I have built my weekly mileage up to a peak of 40.3 last week, and have exceeded 30 miles five of the past six weeks. Yesterday I did a tempo run of 38 minutes at 8:17/mi., which is well on the way to my goal of an hour at half-marathon pace by Kiawah in early Dec. By the end of this week, my long runs will be up to 15 miles -- perfect for starting serious marathon training. In short, running is one of the few areas of my life in which I have no complaints at present -- which is probably why virtually all of my entries of late have been focused upon it.

Posted by MHB at 10:45 PM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, 28 August 2007 10:34 PM EDT

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I don't have time for a long entry, as the season finale of Ice Road Truckers is on (yeah, I know -- but I've been told that we all need guilty pleasures); yet I feel compelled to shout across the deep abyss into which this blog unfolds that I ran a total of 40.3 miles this week, the first 40-mile week that I have ever logged, Monday to Sunday. The most I've logged in a week prior to this was the 38.8 I completed a few weeks before Nashville this Spring. Yeah, I had to do nearly 16 miles on a treadmill, and the last 3+ miles done at the track this morning consisted mainly of stiff-legged recovery jogging, but it's done.

I'm still a couple of weeks away from serious marathon training, and I'm moderately satisfied with how the base training has gone this summer. I had hoped to work my way up to 50-mile weeks by Labor Day; but after 3 straight 35+ weeks, I'm due for a cutback week, and won't get more than 45 the final week in August. But 45 will do. Given the oppressive heat and the other things that I've been forced to wrestle with with this summer -- from intense job stress to having to learn to run on a treadmill (more on this later), I'll take it, for it is more than I've ever had, and a nice little base upon which to build something fun. I would, indeed, be fun to set a few PRs this fall & winter -- maybe a half-marathon in under 1:45, a sub-22 5k, or 26.2 in 3:50 or less. At the very least, I will come back stonger. That I know. How much is the only question.

Posted by MHB at 11:00 PM EDT

Updated: Monday, 27 August 2007 10:20 PM EDT

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Summers are not made for racing -- at least not for me. I'm a big chickenshit when it comes to running fast in the heat, due in part to my own experience and in part to all the scare stories that I've read about young and fit runners who unexpectedly collapsed during runs and either died or damaged themselves to the point that they could no longer run competitively. Running in the heat sucks. It hurts like crap, saps your energy, and turns your urine the color of a school bus. It is an unnatural and uncivil act which as a southerner sometimes leaves me feeling stupid for being out deliberately, sytematically sweating in this fetid muck we call air down here in August, when any sensible person will tell you that in this kind of weather the only acceptable outdoor activity is sitting on the porch and drinking sweet tea.

But it's OK -- as long as you've prepared for it properly, through training and hydration. That's one thing I've been working on this summer while I'm building a base. Much of my easy running has been done in the afternoon heat and humidity, as I find it very difficult to get up early enough to run in cooler weather during the week. I come home from work, change into my running gear, and log 5-6 miles most evenings in the South Carolina air, which sometimes has a consistency similar to that of chicken soup. I do this by necessity; yet I have discovered an unexpected benefit to this practice: the building of mental and physical toughness, which is an area in which I feel I have been lacking in recent years as I learn more and more about running, and thus think too much at times in races instead of simply running hard and giving my all. I also have built more endurance than I expected to build.

I found this out last night during a 2-mile race in an all-comers' track meets held across the street from me at Furman University. The track club holds them on Wednesdays during the summer, and I have meant to attend some of them this year, but have been scared off by the 90-plus temperatures. But the 2-mile at the last meet is one of the club's points series races, and last year I earned myself 50 points for being first in my age group even though I ran a gingerly 15:07. This year it was different, in ways both positive and negative.

The meet itself was fun. I got to see a 6-year-old girl run 400 meters in 1:10, only 11 seconds slower than my high-school PR. I got to see a lot of fast runners, both kids and adults, in some of the other events, including the fast heat of the 2-mile. I waited for the slower heat, just like last year, and had no idea what to expect from my legs and lungs, which had been exposed to no speedwork in nearly three months. My plan was to try to lock into a pace that I could hold, perhaps a 7:15 or 7:20. But even that modest goal was no sure thing.

The weather and the turnout helped. There were so many runners -- especially kids -- that many of the events had multiple heats; thus the first 2-mile heat did not begin until after 8:00. By then, the sun had gone behind the clouds and a slight breeze stirred to cool the mild air, already under 80 degrees, a little more.  By the time my heat started, I had ditched my shades and was ready to test my physical limits. I'm not quite sure that I did so fully, but I did run at a pace that was quite hard compared to my recent efforts: slightly under 7 minutes for most of the race. Unfortunately, there were so many people in the heat that I had a hard time remaining in the inside lane, and thus added an additional 100 meters or so (according to my GPS) to my race distance. Yet I was pleasantly surprised by my performance, which included the wholly unexpected addition of a kick at the end. Yes, as I entered the bell lap, I found that despite the fact that I had begun hurting in earnest with around 1000 meters to go, I had something left, and began to open it up a bit. I turned it on a bit more in the backstretch, and as I came into the homestretch, I found an extra gear that I had not had possesed for some time. It was nice, and even though my time was a still-modest 14:28, I proved to myself that my base training is going reasonably well, and that the tempo runs that I have began mixing in with the easy miles have paid off in a modest way, and need to be continued. Plus, I had fun running a different race on a track upon which I have done many productive workouts, and upon which I saw Alan Webb break a four-minute mile earlier this year.

Posted by MHB at 11:13 PM EDT

Updated: Sunday, 19 August 2007 11:15 PM EDT

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Life is too short to allow the things that we fear to hold us back.

Those who wish to destroy good things can do so, if they have the means. But they cannot destroy the concept of good, nor your will to impose it.

Good leaders are rare, because the process of attaining leadership usually destroys the good in people.

Nine out of ten times that you try something new, you are likely to fail.

There are always lessons in failure. Sometimes the only lesson is that you are an idiot.

We are all idiots sometimes.

Posted by MHB at 10:41 PM EDT

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When I began this blog, I told myself that I would not get too introspective or self-revealing on it, as personally I feel that such ramblings are a waste of space at best, and embarrassing at worst. There are few people I know who have blogs that can pull that off, and I know for certain that I am not one of those people.

Yet when I look back at my recent entries, I see that I have been a bit forthcoming with my personal difficulties; and while I'm not convinced that I crossed the boundaries that I have established for myself, it does make me a little squeamish. but then again, blogs -- if done properly -- are all about subjective journalism, and if I have been a bit more open than I intended at times I did it in that spirit, and in the interest of the pursuit of truth. What the hell could be wrong with that?

I had to run in the rain again today, this time for the entire 5.3 miles. At times it was heavy, with thunder and lightning looming in the distance, although it never got closer to me than 5 miles away (believe me, I count when I'm out there in it). As usual, there was something peaceful about it -- at least when it wasn't thundering -- and I finished with a healthy sense of accomplishment and defiance. My shirt was so soaked I had to leave it on the porch. The base continues to build: another story, and another 5.3 miles in the log for the week. I'll take it.

Posted by MHB at 10:57 PM EDT

Updated: Saturday, 15 September 2007 11:52 PM EDT

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Not much in this world feels better than digging your way out of a hole. That is the task that has occupied a large chunk of my waking hours for the past couple of months, and it appears to be paying off. My house is home to a lot less clutter than it was a few months ago, and although I still have a long way to go, it is nice to be able to walk into my office without tripping over mounds of haphazardly-placed crap, or to look into my master bathroom and see evidence of demolition where there used to be shiny-white but hopelessly leaky tile. And it is equally nice to know that I can now go to my crappy, moribund job each day with the knowledge that I now have the freedom to leave, anytime I want, and make it until I can secure full-time employment again. As a result of these developments, my stress level has decreased substantially, and my running continues to progress.

This weekend began with another Saturday-morning run in downtown Greenville, which has become kind of a ritual for my wife and me since we started it a few weeks ago. I did 10.6 miles of long slow distance last Saturday, so this time I decided to do a long tempo on the rubberized "marshmallow trail." I had done 30 minutes on the soft surface at 8:19 splits over the 4th with no difficulty, and this time planned to do 32 at a similar pace. I went out too hard, at around 8:05 by the halfway point, but as the weather was overcast and the temps just under 70, I decided to hold it for the full 32, and did OK with it, finishing with 8:06 splits and feeling reasonably fine. The rest of the morning was relaxing as usual, fueled by coffee and capped off by my wife treating me to a belated birthday lunch at a Chinese restaurant. But later that afternoon, the hard workout began to catch up with me, and I dozed off hard. Later I dozed off again, and was out for good by 11:00.

I probably needed the rest anyway. I've got more building to do, more miles to pack on before the Summer is over. I want to be up to 50 per week by Labor Day, when I will start serious marathon training, and hopefully lay the groundwork for a new beginning during the Winter and Spring racing season.

Posted by MHB at 11:03 PM EDT

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I hesitate to use that word -- "productive" -- because it has so often been used in recent years as a euphemism for the expoitation of workers, and has even been snidely thrown up to me a few times on my present job. But this weekend, I was productive for me, and it was good.

It started with a good night's rest Friday night and an early 10 1/2 - miler downtown Saturday morning, followed by some coffee, fresh blueberries, and well-earned leisure at the farmer's market. When I got home, I had lunch and sacked out for most of the afternoon, but after that I worked on some writing assignments even though the deadline for them is over a month away and I have some days off set aside for finishing them, then checked some blogs I haven't been to for while, left some comments, did some laundry, and wrote some more while knocking back a couple of cold ones. I had already gotten a semi-long run in for the weekend, so I was free to sit up late, watch Austin City Limits (a rerun of the Pixies, not too bad), and catch Saturday Night Live for once (also a rerun, but as I've been getting up early for Sun. long runs, I hadn't seen it).

This morning was even better: up early, fueled on eggs and Red Bull, and ready to tackle the landfill that used to be my office. I spent a few hours back there today, and event though it's still not much to look at, by the time I was done I was able to get a broom and sweep part of the floor -- a huge step forward. I can actually walk in there now.

After a good Mexican lunch, my wife and I went to Home Depot, where we loaded up on those energy-saving flourescent light bulbs, which I switched with the few incandescent bulbs left in our house. I also cancelled a credit card once used for my old publishing company, broke up some more tile in our master bathroom, took out the garbage in the garage, and reloaded the dishwasher. I have been so active that my wife has gotten worried, and I had to reassure her that I was contemplating neither divorce nor suicide.

Slowly but surely, I am removing the clutter and superfluous crap from my life, with the aim of regrouping, and coming back stronger.

Posted by MHB at 9:37 PM EDT

Updated: Sunday, 8 July 2007 10:45 PM EDT

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The realization that I had hit a rut in my life also applied to my running performance, which has not advanced at all since the high-water mark of breaking 4 hours in the '06 Spinx Marathon. In fact, my 5k times had been slipping for about a year prior to that, and nothing that I tried seemed to reverse the slide. Of course, most of my training revisions focused upon speedwork, and were rewarded with shin splints and piriformis. And while I have read that regular speedwork is necessary for a masters runner, speed did not seem to be my problem. I could turn on the speed when I needed it, as long as my legs hadn't gone lactic or my core wasn't crying "enough." Sure, my breathing wasn't great, but it never is, and it was getting better even when I was not doing heavy speedwork.

What I needed was more endurance, and the best way to get it was to build an aerobic base by running lots of long, slow distance, adding more and longer tempo runs as my weekly mile totals slowly increased. So I made a plan: after the Sunrise Run in early June, I would take a few days off and then start a program of steadily-building easy miles that would last through the summer, until it was time to start training in earnest for Kiawah Island in December, which I figured would be around Labor Day. By then I hope to be up around 50 miles per week, and to be ready to fine-tune for the Spinx Half at the end of October and the marathon on December 8.

That is still my goal, although I have not built miles at the pace I had hoped due to the heat, my inability to get up early on weekdays, and the stress of my job. But I'm still pretty much on track, and will get around 30 miles this week once I complete a semi-long run of 10-12 miles tomorrow. I've begun to mix in some tempo as well, including a 30-minute long tempo at 8:19 on the rubberized marshmallow track in downtown Greenville the morning of the fourth. That felt good, as have most of my other runs over the past few weeks, indicating that my plan is working. The rest has been good for my legs: my piriformis is practically gone, and even my left achilles tendon doesn't bother me much anymore. And I can fell my endurance slowly building.

Despite all that has transpired, I feel an unusual surge of energy, as if something is dying and something else is being born. I'm going to ride it, and see where it takes me. No matter what, the ride will be interesting.

Posted by MHB at 10:26 PM EDT

Updated: Sunday, 8 July 2007 11:03 PM EDT

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This summer has been weird. Why it is weird is complicated, too complicated for me to explain sufficiently at this late hour. I suppose that it is a culmination of many things: my job, my mood, the mounds of crap piling up in the corners of my house, the myriad things that haven't been getting done around here, the state of the country, the state of the world, and the mediocrity of my recent running performances. It is time for it all to end, and it is up to me to shake things up a little, or a lot.

Much of it depends upon my ability to regroup. I hate the word "acceptance," and I refuse to use it to describe what I must do to get out of this predicament. But it has been necessary for me to acknowledge some things, first and foremost that much of what I have attempted during the past several years has failed, and I must abandon them, remove them from my calendar and my agenda, and go back to square one. I've gotten cocky, and I'm not the guy that I thought I was.

That might sound harsh and ugly, and in the beginning it was intended to be so. I have a habit of self-deprecation, one that I have depended upon for years to motivate me, and when it became obvious to me just how screwed up things were, I natually fell back on it. Things were not going right for me because I am a stupid-ass bumpkin who got in over my head in thinking that I had anything meaningful to offer the world.

Don't get me wrong: it may well be true that I am a failure. But if it is, it is not true for the reasons that I believed it was true. It is true simply because I have failed to accept -- excuse me, to acknowledge -- reality. for example, I am proud of my education, hard-earned as it was through endless hours of solitary research, writing, and rewriting during nights with no sleep and days surrounded by leisure-seeking clods who now earn much more money than I take home in my paltry bimonthly paycheck. I have spent years harboring contempt for those people, but I must acknowledge that the market favors them, and has very little respect for what I have accomplished. Therefore, if I am ever to break out of this rut I am in, I must retrain myself in a manner that will allow me to be more competitive in this environment, even if it involves immersing myself in bullshit.

That's the cynical side of me coming out again. I'm glad it's still there, but I've gotta suppress it for a while. It's time to start over, to clean house, to build a base, in life and -- as I have not yet discussed here -- in running.

I'll talk about running next time, for it's late, and I don't want to squander the base of sleep that I built over the holidays.

Posted by MHB at 11:26 PM EDT

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Let's see -- what will be my excuse this time? My crushing, ill-advised workload? The seemingly endless stress of the past month? The difficulty I have had finding any siginificant light at the end of this long tunnel? I have lots of 'em, but they are not enough. Not for me.

So ... how to recap the last month, or however long it has been since my last post? Two week ago I ran the Sunrise "8k" (on an uncertified course that according to my GPS and several veteran runners that I've talked to, is really an even 5 miles) in mediocre fashion, finishing in just under 40 minutes after experimenting with holding an even pace until the 75- degree heat and 70 percent humidity did me in.  Then, later that morning, I had to take a Praxis subject test as the last step to getting a provisional teacher certification. I've had two job interviews -- my first in ten years -- and neither one went very well. My wife is disgusted with me for not having started this process sooner, and I am beginning to share her disgust. Meanwhile, my day job continues to deteriorate into a pageant of absurdity, as my co-workers and I struggle to do right by our patients against the machinations of the loathsome self-preservationists and bean-counters above us in the shame of command.

If I sound bitter, it's only because I am. My anger is not the result of being forced to change, as that is probably long overdue. It is because the people that have depended upon me as a familiar face and a guiding force for over ten years will soon be left with nothing, and no one. I will not apologize for my fury over that, and I will not ignore the voice of conscience within me that fuels my utter hatred for the bastards responsible for this travesty.

But it's late now, and I've been burning the candle at both ends. Thus I shall put an end to this entry with intent -- but not promise -- to resume regular posts to this blog.

Posted by MHB at 11:41 PM EDT

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